On the brink of a defining moment

It's week 10 of being unemployed. A dear friend of mine told me the other day that we often don't know what's best for ourselves, although we are quite convinced that we do. It's strange to think that perhaps all my efforts to find a job and a place to settle could be contrary to God's plan for me....I don't necessarily believe that to be true, but it does challenge me to consider how bent set I can get on one dream. It's hard to let go of dreams...especially when you've devoted a lot of your heart and energy to them. I have just enough vision to move in a direction, but unfortunately that leaves a very wide, undefined path. There has been a lot of freedom to chart my own course post graduation. Not to say that what I'm striving for is self-satisfaction, but that it seems God has given me wide open space to form into a meaningful life. So far I haven't come to a place of much definition.

I told myself that I would give myself a month to find a job and then I would move home. Now it has been a little over two months and I'm still in Oregon. I talked myself into it quite easily, my heart restless with the thought of any other plan, but now I'm on the brink of a defining moment. I'm going home for Christmas and if I don't have news of a job before then I will likely resign my job search efforts in Oregon for a time and venture into life, work, and play in Washington.

It's a slow process of unclenching my fists around that which they hold so tightly and finding peace and joy in a different plan.