Penny for your thoughts...

Almost 4 months ago I arrived in Mexico City full of dreams and expectations for my semester abroad, now I am a mere two weeks away from the end of my adventure here. One thing that is evidently clear is that God had a completely different plan in mind for my time here than I did. As many of you have journeyed along side me via my blog I know that you are all aware that my time here in Mexico has been marked by many challenges. In the last few months I have encountered many hardships and struggles that have often left me disillusioned and confused.

That said, I don't want my previous words to overshadow the fact that my experiences here have also been painted with much joy and beauty. Through my travels, my relationships, and my studies I have learned an incredible amount about life and about myself. In many ways I have been blessed by aspects of this culture. It has been a slow process of realization, but little by little I have grasped how valuable this season of my life has been. I am walking with new perspective and new vision; I am changed. Although I am still with some bruises and scars, God has brought me to a place of peace and contentment and I am enjoying my days in Mexico.

Well, I just wanted to share with you my thoughts as of late. Thank you for your care, prayers, and messages. It has been a blessing to share with you my journey.

Value life, it is beautiful

There is no denying it, I have been terrible with keeping you updated on my life this month....Sorry :) But here I go now, so I hope you can keep up.

You will be happy to know that much has changed since my last blog. About a week ago God sent me a wave of encouragement and support that truly lifted me up. Some people read my blog and responded with sympathy and concern, others were inspired by God just to check in on me, and others still I contacted to share my story with. I received many messages, emails, and letters during this last week that have brought me incredible joy and warmth. Thank you all for blessing me with your love and concern, it was really just what I needed.

In addition to the support of many loved ones, I also had a priceless conversation with my papa mexicano. My host dad is someone I have come to respect deeply in my time here, and someone that has taught me some incredible lessons about life. During our conversation he told me that I still came across as a very timid person (despite my efforts), and in Mexico often someone is more reserved is viewed as proud and that the people here don't take too well to that. He also brought to light something that has been key for me; he told me that when things aren't going well that is not the fault of the people that I interact with so why should I let it effect my interaction with them. In other words, if I am having a hard time I still need to interact positively with those around me and not let my problems take away from my experiences. He told me Kristy (that's what he calls me) when you are walking down the street hold your head up, greet the people that you pass, and smile because you never know how you might touch someone's life. He encouraged me to talk more and to make more of an effort to get to know the people around town because that's the way to really learn spanish. At the end of our conversation I promised to try harder even though I really felt I was putting in a lot of effort to begin with, and since that day he has kept me accountable. Every day at lunch or at dinner he asks me so how did it go? I know they seem like simple words of counsel, but they gave valuable perspective.



Anyway, now to fill you in on life since then! Two weekends ago Violet and I went to Mexico City accompanied by our program director Irma and Javiar the maintenance guy (although he opted to stay in the car most of the time). First we visited the Dolores Olmedo museum (the impressive house and gardens of a deceased rich woman that collected works of Diego Rivera). After we finished touring the house Violet and I spent some time in the gardens taking pictures :) Then we stopped in Xochimilco a place known for it's beautiful vividly decorated boats. We didn't have enough time to ride one, but we did browse the nearby market a bit. Next, we stopped at the house of Frida Kahlo. It was fairly interesting, but not extremely. Most of her works are in museums so it was mostly some electic belongings, and documents. Plus, there were just way too many people there! Lastly, we stopped at the zocalo for about an hour to shop for souvenirs. Overall, it was a really fun trip and we really enjoyed spending time with Irma.


Then last week Violet and I went with Irma to the central market in Cuernavaca to prepare for Day of the Dead. Day of the Dead is a mexican holiday where loved ones who have passed away our remembered and celebrated. It is tradition that alters are built in honor of the deceased and adorned with pictures, food, candy, candles, flowers, and much more. At the market we bought fruit, candy, and flowers to decorate the alter at school for Emiliano Zapata. Violet and I spent about two hours putting together that alter and unfortunately had to miss some class to do so :)

Also, last thursday I had another precious conversation with my host parents. I listened for nearly two hours as they expressed to me the importance of having confidence in one's self and how we can determine the value of our life by the importance we give it. It really is a matter of recognizing that God created us and our lives with meaning and purpose that far outshadows our insecurities or trials. They told me, value your life, it is beautiful.

My Story

I have been avoiding you all :) I was hoping that if I waited maybe my reality would change. Maybe I could just pass over these last couple of days in my recollections and share with you a much happier story. I came to realize though that I owe it to you all to give you a true account.

So for about two weeks I was flying high – life was good. Then just as suddenly as the contentment came, it left me. Situations came to pass that to me reinforced two painful thoughts 1) that I do not have value in the lives of the people here, and 2) that I am not beautiful. I would like to say that they are lies, but I have a hard time believing that. Although I dare not say that they are the truth either. All I know is that I feel like I am being shown that they are the truth….My heart is having a hard time believing otherwise. Please understand that I struggle to discredit these thoughts, more than anything I want to be proven wrong. I’m sure it is not easy to understand to where I am coming from, and maybe you are tempted to write it out off as exaggeration or pessimism but I would like to gently remind you that you do not know the whole story and you have not experienced it as I have. I have had enough time to think about this to process it reasonably. I want to let you know exactly what is going on inside my heart and mind, so please give me the benefit of the doubt.

Yes, I do realize that people care about me here – my host parents, my professors, Violet…. But when it comes to developing further relationships with people within the community I feel like almost no one wants reciprocate my initiative with investment. I do not feel pursued as an individual, and that is something that I need. My gentle, easy going nature seems to be misinterpreted as timidity, seriousness, and a lack of interest. I have put forth an effort to show people otherwise, but it seems insufficient. There is only so much I can do before I start changing who I am. So…that is where I am at now. I am trying to keep my chin up and keep trying, but it wears on me when after so much time I can still hardly see a difference. I know this struggle is unique to me because Violet has had complete success in forming friendships. We have talked about it and we are both at a loss as to what I could possibly do differently. So I will keep praying and try to find strength in my God. At times though I fail to trust in His plan and the intensity of my emotions here seem to pull me down so I need your prayer too.

Now on to that second thought….. I will just say that I now realize how spoiled I was at GFU where I had someone telling me I was beautiful almost every day. I think it is something that every women needs to hear from time to time. Here that just doesn’t happen much for me….What I get more often than not is someone whistling at me while I am walking down the street, or someone yelling something out of their car window as they drive by. Sorry, but that doesn’t do much for me especially when Violet receives real compliments all the time about her beauty (so I know it is not outside of the cultural norm). Just the other weekend I got to stand by as a young man essentially told me that Violet was more beautiful than me. As you can imagine that did not help the situation. I know I may be coming across as jealous, but really that is not it at all. Violet knows that too. We have talked about it. Anyway, I feel the pressure to wear more make-up and dress up even when I am just walking around town or in my own home. And I don’t like that….

So here I am near the end of my week of vacation dry of tears, but hopeful still. I don’t want to worry all of you. I do enjoy myself here; it is just that these two challenges seem to resurface frequently and the have a significant affect…. I am hanging in there though, taking each day as it comes, and trying to remember that the story is not over yet.

A change of heart

Last week was an incredible struggle for me (and honestly my first two months have been a challenge)....I have been having an extremely difficult time accepting that people care about me here and really doubting that anyone actually wants to get to know me. I felt lost, alone, confused, sad, angry, frustrated....I think every emotion under the sun made it´s home in my heart last week, and sometimes more than one at a time. I couldn´t even express what I was feeling when asked because I had yet to figure it out for myself. I just wanted to retreat away from it all. I felt like all my dreams for my time here were fading away and that all I would be able to take back with me was my pain and frustrations.


And now? How am I know? I am in love with life. God makes all things new. All I can say is that He was able to work a miracle in my heart. Instead of holding on to a certain idea of how things should be, I have been more willing to experience and explore something different. I am just letting things go, and trusting that God has something beautiful in store for my time here. God has become more of a priority and therefore has had a stronger presence, and that in turn has affected every other facet of my life. I feel like I have a lot of joy and a lot more understanding in life. This is the happiest I have been since arriving here. I am going to try to push myself to step out a lot more from now on, and to take a advantage of the learning opportunity I have here.

Reality Check

So life is "interesting" here....

This last Saturday Violet, Marie (another student at the school), and I went on a day trip to visit three Catholic convenants. They were all contructed in the 17th century and from the Augustine order. It was an enjoyable excursion for the most part, but it was a lot of the same thing....All three convenants were very similar in appearance and shared the same general history. We also visited another market in the last town we were in, which was fun (found some souvenirs). I know this is not a very informative description, but really this is all I have to say....When I got back home most of my family was gone at a birthday party and Abram was watching t.v. which I didn't feel much like doing so I retreated to my bedroom. I don't think I did much besides homework for the rest of the day.

Sunday I spent most of the morning by myself (Violet was in Tepotzlan with her family). I decided not to go to church because I was having some minor issues with my family and thus far church has always been a frustrating and emotional experience at the Christian center. I had a late breakfast with my mom and then spent the rest of the morning writing a paper for my history class and making a trip to the supermarket. Early afternoon I started on my laundry and mid-way through received a phone call from Violet. We decided to meet up at a local cafe and have a Bible study. We used the time to talk a lot about recent frustrations and then transitioned into our feelings about our faith walks here in Mexico. We are both feeling a bit discouraged and uninspired at this time....For me personally, I just feel very spiritually dry here. I was so convinced that I would come here and new passion would be awakened and I would continue to grow in my love and faith in God. In reality, I feel like I´ve moved backwards and come to a standstill. I know God is with me, but He feels so distant and foreign right now.

Anyway, Violet and I decided we are going to work our way through Romans and keep each other accountable. We are also going to look for another church. Please keep both of us in your prayers though - we need it. Besides a lack of spiritual fervor I am also missing home right now (family, friends, hugs (people don´t really give hugs here), the ability to express ideas exactly as I want, the ability to understand everything that is said around me, the comfort of familiarity). So any prayer, encouragement, advice, and "loving on" would be appreciated :) I´ll be okay, so please don´t worry. I just need a little more support right now.

Sending love and blessings! I miss you.

A wonderful weekend (San Miguel to Guanajuato)

This last weekend was extraordinary! Violet and I went on a 3 day excursion and visited three beautiful and historically relevant cities: San Miguel de Allende, Dolores Hidalgo, and Guanajuato. We left bright and early friday morning at 7 am. In total we spent 10 hours in the car that day. Our first stop was San Miguel where we visited the cathedral, it is the only cathedral in Mexico that has European gothic architecture. The city itself is a big tourist attraction and the home of many foreigners, so we heard a lot of english being spoken while there. Next was Dolores, we walked by the cathedral where Miguel Hidalgo (the father of the mexican indpendence) gave the famous yell that excited the start of the fight towards independence from Spain. We also visited the house where Miguel Hidalgo spent his early childhood. And then...Guanajuato!

Guanajato was my favorite city of the three and the place we spent the majority of the weekend. It is a city nestled in between the Sierra Madres. The houses are organized in a stair step manner, and vary in color from bright pink to sea foam green. The view of our surroundings was always breathtakingly beautiful and I loved walking around the city just to soak in all the maravelous sights. There was a lot of culture and history to take in, we visited a silver mine, la Alhondiga de Grandaditas (an important museum), and the house of Diego Rivera. That evening we also observed the independence day festivities. Violet and I also had some free time which we used to visit the local market and to play in the pool :)

Left: Violet and I inside the silver mine! Right: Violet and I being dorks....

Left: Beautiful downtown Guanajuato!!! Right: Violet and I at La Alhondiga de Granaditas (the original building were the Spainards took refuge from the Mexicans)

Just being silly :)

It´s a process!

Two weekends ago Violet and I visited Mexico City. It was fascinating to see a city so vast in culture and history. Our first stop was supposed to be at the National Palace, but unfortunately it was closed for preparation for Mexico's Independence Day (September 16). Next we wandered around the center a bit looking at the various goods sold by the street vendors (authentic mexican clothing, purses, hats, jewelry, toys, ceramics, etc). Carlos, our culture and civilization professor and general tour guide, was very patient as we milled around shopping and so forth. Next we went to the cathedral, which was absolutely beautiful....It was ornately decorated, similar to the European style and had a massive double piped organ. While we were walking around a mass was being held and the priest was singing a hymn - it was peaceful. From there we went to the museum of anthropology. It is truly a storehouse of information brimming with historical treasures. Carlos took us to the sections for the Aztecas and Olmecas, and then gave Violet and I free reign to explore. Violet and I also took a look at the section for the Mayas and the section for how the indigenous tribes live today (the entire top floor). It was all really interesting, but there was so much to see that after awhile my mind just shut off because it couldn't absorb anymore information.

It was a long day....When Violet and I got back into Cuernavaca I was exhausted and just wanted to rest up for awhile. Unfortunately, due to my extreme need for sleep I was a bit grumpy and antisocial upon returning home (Violet had the pleasure of putting up with me at that time). I went to my room to rest a bit expecting to go out with my brothers later that evening (Abram had invited me the weekend before)....Later that evening I realized that my brother were going out...but without me. I had been struggling with loneliness already, so this was difficult for me to handle. During dinner Roberto's girlfriend talked to me a bit one-on-one (I was having a really hard time at this point, close to tears). She asked me if I was lonely, but then was quick to add that I must have already made friends at the school. I told her that I was lonely, and that I had yet to actually make close friends. Her response was heartwarming, she told me that I had a friend in her and that if I ever wanted to go out with her all I needed to do was to tell Roberto. It was encouraging to hear, but at the same time I still knew that that night I would be alone. I broke down and cried again that night (all I wanted was a hug and someone to talk to).

The next morning Violet came over for church, but we ended up talking a long time in my room instead. She had been lonely during the night too so unfortunately we really missed the opportunity to support each other due to lack of communication. The rest of the day I tried to get some things done on my "to do" list, but only ended up hand washing some clothing and then I went to church with my host mom and Violet. Church was also a difficult experience. I wanted so much to worship God in song, but I didn´t know the words and just couldn´t catch on. I know that singing is not a necessity to worshiping, but it is a big part of how I worship personally. I stood there swaying back and forth to the music and silent tears rolled down my cheeks as I prayed to God and reflected on my time in Mexico. And that concluded my weekend....

This last week was fairly good, but one of the busiest so far. God blessed me with some wonderful experiences and a greater understanding of what living abroad truly entails. I realized that a lot of the "issues" that I had been struggling with were due to a lack of time. I have learned a simple lesson, and that is that learning the language, developing friendships, and nurturing my faith life in this new culture is a process - it´s going to take time and it´s going to require patience. I know it sounds obvious, but it just didn´t click before....It has given me a lot more peace with where I am at right now.

Well, Violet and I taught our first english class to spanish youth this last wednesday....It was interesting :) We went into it not knowing the levels of the kids and with few resources. We used the first class to evaluate the kids and found that we had two drastically different levels. I worked with Nemo and Andrea (both at the very most 5 years old) who were adorable but definitely as basic as it get in their english abilities. They actually don´t even know their numbers in letters in spanish so I am going to have to be very careful in what I teach them as to not confuse them in developing their native language. I think it will be very worthwhile though, it won´t be long until I am head over heels in love with those kids.

Thank you all for your patience with my blog posting! I just don´t get around to it as much as I should. I will post again soon to share about this last weekend (it was absolutely amazing)!

Pictures Part II

This is what the hike looked like all the way up (well...steeper and wetter at times)

The pyramid...at the top!

The beautiful view from the top of the mountain.

The Market!

Alright...so this is a posed picture, but it describes how we felt - very tired :)

Pictures Part I

Violet and I on the airplane on our way to Mexico City!!!

The Palace of Cortez (the first excursion)

Part of the mural on the palace walls (By Diego Rivera).

Beneath the mural the history is also explained through stone artwork.

My weekend of tears and blessing

This last weekend was eventful in every sense - activity, emotions, breakthroughs.

Saturday Violet and I had our second excursion to a rural town called Tepoztlan to climb a mountain by the name of Tepozteco and visit the local market. The drive there itself was interesting; I was able to see more of Mexico. At one point Claudio, a school authority and that day our driver, had to stop as a small pack of horses was crossing the road. It made me smile to think that this was a normal occurrence in that region. On the way there Irma, another school authority who was accompanying us, warned us that the climb could be a bit more challenging as it had rained extensively the night before. Violet and I decided we wanted to start climbing and then make a decision as to whether we wanted to continue or not....But once Irma got started on her way there was no opportunity to make a decision we just kept going. It was kind of pathetic because Irma (a woman most likely in her 40´s and also sick at the time) was breezing up this mountain while Violet and I were absolutely dying :) The hike up is 2km and took us roughly an hour. Upon reaching the top Violet and I were both quite sweaty (although she definitely won the grand prize for being the sweatiest), slightly wet from dripping flora and streams running through the mountainside, and extremely elated that we had made it. It was definitely worth it and we were so proud of ourselves. At the top there is a pyramid built by the indigenous people of the town for their God. It is nothing spectacular really, but the view from atop the pyramid is absolutely stunning (the best their is, Irma told us). We rested there awhile and had a snack and then it was back down. The way down was definitely easier except for the very beginning of the descent when it was extremely steep and slippery (Violet and I were so scared and we had no problem admitting that to Irma). Anyway, we made it back down in about half an hour and from there went to the market. The market was huge and there was so much to see (clothes, toys, ceramics, food...), but Violet and I were quite tired and really only had the time and energy to stroll around once and buy a few postcards. We plan on returning though when we are more in the mood to shop :)

Sunday Violet and I went to the same church again except this time by ourselves (our small group was canceled Saturday so we didn´t have a chance to talk to the youth and the rest of my family was going to a night service). I felt quite removed and foreign there that morning. Both worship and the sermon were empty for me. When we returned to my house and went up to my room the emotions I had apparently been storing up during the week came flooding out and I cried for the first time in Mexico (well...second if you count the day I couldn´t sleep but an hour and a half but that was more from exhaustion than anything else). I talked with Violet for at least an hour and a half about my frustration with my current Spanish abilities, my desire to know my family better, and the challenging state of our friendship at present. It was good to have her there and we prayed before she left which was much needed. It was soon after that that things much improved (God is good).

I ended up going furniture shopping with my family :) They thought I would be bored out of my mind, but I actually had a lot of fun. I got to talk with my host mom and Abram a lot more. Also, my dad wanted to know my opinion on every couch that they were considering (which did I like better, which was more comfortable). I found it slightly amusing that he wanted my opinion even though I would only be living with the family for 4 months, but at the same time I was touched by his consideration of my opinion on the matter. We ended up shopping right up until the point when my family needed to go to church so I ended up going again because it was easier that way. It was such a blessing from God. This time there was a different speaker whom I could understand better and her words reached my heart. Also, it was just really nice to be there with my whole family worshipping and praising God together.

So...that was my weekend. Very interesting, but in a good way. Going into this I knew that there would be challenges, but there was no way I could anticipate what they would be to prepare myself. Even so, God is right here with me guiding me through the new terrain. And like Maria said to me yesterday, "when God has a plan for your life, the enemy will try to place a battle in the midst of things."

My first days in Mexico

Today is day four in Mexico, and it certainly has been a wonderful adventure thus far to say the least. You can all have peace that God is present and taking good care of me. God has blessed me with an amazing Christian family that I have already grown to love. My host parents are Maria and Roberto, they have shown me nothing but kindess and hospitality from the very start. I also have three host brothers, Evon, Abram, and Roberto. Although I have not gotten to them very well yet I look forward to doing so. They have also been very welcoming. Their house is located about 8 minutes away from the school. It is beautiful 3 story Mexican style house, Maria explained to me the other night that it is a grand blessing from God that they own such a nice house. I have my own bedroom and bathroom on the third floor that has a breathtaking view of Cuernavaca. Throughout the day I am often reminded of God´s beauty by simply walking onto my balcony.

Anyway, let me back up a little and share the happenings of my first days in Cuernavaca. Violet and I arrived safe and sound in Mexico City at about 3:30 Friday afternoon. God gave us much peace during the flight and we really only started to get a little nervous after we landed and were trying to find our way through the airport. Even so, we did just fine and found Rafael, our driver, without any difficulty. I first felt major butterflies in my stomach when we arrived at my house first and it was time for Violet and I to separate from the comfort of each other´s presence. My host mom met me at the outside door and right away ushered me inside where I was greeted by the family puppy, Yaki (she is the cutest little thing with a lot of spirit). Before we even reached the inner door Maria asked me if I was hungry :) And much to her pleasure I was. I had a nice dinner and talked a bit with Maria, but after awhile she wanted to leave me in peace to eat as she says it. After that I went upstairs to a guest bedroom where I was staying for the night to arrange my things (they still had another student at the time that was in what would be my room but she left the next morning). Two of my host brothers, Abram and Roberto, brought my suitcases upstairs and said hello. Later I talked with the other student for awhile about her time with the family and her experience in Mexico. Soon after that I went to bed fairly early because I was so exhausted from the events of the day.

Saturday morning Violet and I had some initial tests and orientation. We also got a breif tour of el centro (the city center) from our school director, Ramiro. El centro was very fascinating to me, it is an area filled with shops, restaurants, cafes, historical buildings, and street vendors. I am excited to explore it further in the future. Awhile later some youth from my family´s church met at the house for Bible study. Violet and I attended the Bible study for spiritual nourishment and also to meet some youth from the area. After that Violet and I spent some time in my room talking about our time in Mexico to that point and how we were feeling about everything.

Sunday morning the youth from the Bible study picked Violet, Abram, and I up from my house for church. We went to a church called El Centro Cristiano (The Christian Center) which is the church home of my host family. It lasted about two hours which is fairly normal for mexican church services. I really enjoyed worship, but had trouble understanding the pastor´s sermon. After the service Violet and I talked with one of the youth named David. We talked about the difficulty of fully learning a language (how to comprehend and speak it) without having practice with native speakers. It was an encouraging and comforting conversation to have at that point because I was becoming slightly frustrated with my abilities. Then after lunch with my host mom I visted Violet´s house and met her host mom and grandma and saw her little apartment in the upstairs. Later on we also went back to el centro in order to find a bank with minimal charges, but it was hot and crowded and I wasn´t quite in the mood for it so we went back to my house to talk a bit. Later that evening when there was yet another thunder and lightening storm (this is typical weather in the evenings) I went downstairs and watched television with Abram and also got the chance to talk with him a bit which was nice.

Yesterday was my first day of school and it went really well. Violet and I have two hours of language in the morning with one professor and two hours of history in the early afternoon with another professor with a half an hour break in between. It is a new experience to learn all the material in spanish, but so far it has been enjoyable. Our school day goes from 9am - 1pm, and sometimes we will have activities (small field trips or educational movies) around 4 in the afternoon. After classes and lunch at our houses Violet and I went tanning by the poolside and also took advantage of the free internet offered by the school. In the evening I went with Violet, her host mom, and her host sister to an aerobics class. I don´t think I have ever sweat so much in my life. It was pretty intense, but I am thinking a good habit to pick up with all the amazing food my host mom makes.

Anyway, I know this is a lot of information to take in all at once but I wanted to share the details of my first days. In the future I will most likely be more sparing with the day to day accounts. Today is my second day of classes, around 4 we are visiting the Palace of Cortez. It is fairly close by in el centro. Other than that I hope to spend some time at home with my family although I will probably go the aerobics class again in the evening.

Well, that's all for me now :) I'll try to post some pictures soon!

Soon to embark on my very own adventure :)

My mind is being pulled in so many different directions now that it can't even stop to settle on one. I'm still trying to process the fact that I am leaving for Mexico tomorrow morning....This past week has been one of many goodbyes, but I have felt that each one has been said in peace. I know God is leading me to a new place now, and I trust that He will maintain and nurture my relationships while I am away. I am extremely excited to embark on this adventure that He has prepared for me. I am so eager to continue to grow in my faith and embrace the change God wants to work in my life through this experience. I know that along with the beautiful blessings in store some hard times lie ahead, but I also know that my Savior is faithful in upholding His children and that He has purpose in every situation.

Thank you all for the blessing you are in my life. I am so encouraged by your prayers and love.