Oh Monday

If ever there were a stereotypical Monday, it would be today. Not only did I over sleep and wake up feeling sick, but I also got to start my day by entering what I like to call the heat vacuum (the office I work in has no air conditioning and holds heat better than we'd like it to). Gravity seemed to be winning the fight against my smile. I knew my attitude was completely ridiculous, but I just couldn't snap myself out of it. There were a few key moments in my day that brought me back to reality. Here is the goodness that helped me find my smile again:

• A little old man with a walker taking his two dogs for a walk. He stepped out of my path as I was making my way to the office and said cheerfully, "Good morning."
• Being treated to strata and Stumptown coffee this morning when we got to the Leftbank Project (a rad, eco-friendly industrial building that rents out offices).
• Taking a tour of the building where OICF will most likely hold this years Ethics Bowl (another architectural gem in Portland)
  
• Finally hearing from Jennifer; my younger sister who is visiting relatives in Germany.

So what am I taking away? Mondays aren't any worse of a day than other days of the week, we often just choose to use it as an excuse for a bad attitude (or as I like to say "I have a case of the Monday grumpies").

Where joy meets laughter

I wasn't planning on getting up at 6 am today, but between my churning stomach and the cat's death cries it seems I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Now that I'm up it is kind of exciting to have such an early start. I've always preferred getting up early and having productive mornings, but unfortunately my body normally does not cooperate. In the near coma state that I usually find myself in the mornings my mind only processes one message "sleep more!" :)

Anyway, this weekend I had the opportunity to spend time with two good friends, Stephanie and Natalie. Being around them made me realize that I don't laugh very much any more. Not because I've become overly serious or pessimistic, but because the routine of life doesn't really present situations that allow for it. Five out of seven days a week I go to work and then come home and chill on my own. Unless I have an incredibly amusing thought I likely won't be sitting alone in my room laughing to myself. Although on occasion it does happen.

Anyway, I wonder how one goes about bringing more laughter into life...besides of course hanging around funny people (that's not always an option). Or I wonder, is laughter something to strive for when pursuing joy? Laughing certainly feels good. For me, it's a release and an energizer...but perhaps its not a real indicator of joy. Can we live joyfully without much laughter? I want to say that they share some relationship, but not sure I would dare to say that it's a complete dependency.

Well, regardless of the tie joy and laughter share I know that I enjoy laughing, and what I enjoy brings me joy. So there you have it, my not so conclusive conclusion.

What are your thoughts?

Acts of kindness: the way to my heart

I strive to stay hopeful and optimistic even when reality doesn't suggest that as a normal response to life. I have been challenging myself to see the good in situations even if they are not ideal. The climatic lesson of this summer has been that amidst God's blessing struggle can co-exist, and it is really the attitude we choose to embrace that will allow the goodness to rise above the sorrow. The truth is that there is rarely a time in life when everything is exactly as it should be, but that should not hinder the gratitude we carry in our hearts.

I believe a part of keeping an eternal perspective is acknowledging and appreciating the small joys in my life. That's something that we hear often, but how often do we actually apply it to how we live? That brings me to the topic of this blog - acts of kindness. Yesterday I was riding the bus into Portland for the first time, for most people probably a relatively minor happening, for me a rather nervous experience. I kept worrying that I would get off at the wrong stop or miss my transfer. About 3/4 into my bus adventure a lady sat down next to me. I kept looking at the time on my phone and then out the window. She smiled at me and asked me where I was getting off. I told her and explained that I needed to transfer to another bus line afterwards, she let me know that I still had awhile to go.

When we were approaching the stop she turned to me and said, "this is your stop" and then explained to me where I needed to walk to in order to catch my next bus. I never asked her for help, but she recognized my concern and was willing to put herself out there and offer her help. Not only did her kindness alleviate considerable stress of my "first inner city bus experience" (I'm ridiculous, right? :)), but it encouraged me to have faith in people. Was her gesture a big public display? No. Was it significant? Most definitely yes. Next time I see someone in a situation where they seem stressed or confused I hope that I have the courage to offer my help at the risk of being wrong or being negatively received. I hope you will too.

Kindness - it's the way to my heart. Thanks bus lady, wherever you are, you made a difference.

A lesson in faith

I have found that my favorite friend to talk to as of late is God. I know that may sound strange, but all of a sudden it seems that I can't share most of my thoughts and feelings with the people around me but my conversations with God are more real and meaningful then they have ever been. Usually I work in the reverse.

At night I snuggle into bed and just talk through everything that is racing through my mind, which has been a rather lengthy list lately. And truly I gain a sense of being comforted by God and my mind and heart are more at peace for having shared with Him that which He already knows. When I'm lonely or struggling I feel His loving arms wrapped around me and hope can't help but spring up inside of me.

I feel so undeserving of this intimacy that I share with my Lord. At the beginning of this summer I intended to pursue God with more vigor and passion, but really, thus far I can only view myself as being a huge disappointment. I have more time and more energy to give to Him, but usually I am more generous to the computer, or movies, or being with friends....But at the same time I feel like He has taught me the value of honoring Him by showing His truth to others in action, that being with Him doesn't necessarily have to include a Bible or worship music. For example, when someone really just needs talk, taking the time to fully listen and support them can be just as good of a use of my time as praying.

My attitude is one of anticipation, I am quite excited for the possibilites for growth in my faith in the months of ahead. If God can do so much in my heart when I am only giving Him 50%, how much more could happen when I finally give Him my all. I certainly don't plan on staying where I'm at. My desire to seek God and know Him more is very strong within me, it feels more like an emotion because of its force. I can recognize it, the sensation is almost overwhelming.

A different kind of summer...

It is hard to believe that one month of summer has already passed by....Oregon weather doesn't even let on that it is summer yet, but as a friend gently reminded me today it is actually still spring. I don't mind the clouds and rain too much, but I do love it when the sun comes out.

Generally speaking life here is calm and simple and I am very much enjoying it. I live in an on-campus apartment with two of my good friends, Angie and Meghan. We work well together because we love being goofy, and we look out for each other. We are all addicted to cookies, redbox movie rentals, and vintage dresses. Our apartment has felt like home since the very beginning and that has been comforting since I won't get to spend much time at home this summer.

My job situation has also worked out really well. I am working in the marketing and communications office on campus which is wonderful real life experience that relates to my major. It has been a blessing in many ways. I have never worked in such a positive working environment where I am a part of a community and am encouraged to grow in my skills. It has also been a great venue for networking with organizations that I am interested in working for after I graduate.

Sometimes it all seems unreal, my summer that is....I am working full-time (and I've had the job since the first day of vacation), I live with great friends and a wonderful community of college students that are a great support, I'm plugged into a church, and I have lots of time and space to think and grow. I've never had a summer like this before. The last two summers were huge challenges for me so to have something that is easy and simple and good has been completely refreshing.

Anyway all that said I don't have any big news, no huge revelations or epiphanies....not yet :) But I do feel that God has something planned for this summer. I won't try to guess what because that always seems to get me nowhere fast, but I am expecting a surprise. There will definitely be some heart renovation.

Penny for your thoughts...

Almost 4 months ago I arrived in Mexico City full of dreams and expectations for my semester abroad, now I am a mere two weeks away from the end of my adventure here. One thing that is evidently clear is that God had a completely different plan in mind for my time here than I did. As many of you have journeyed along side me via my blog I know that you are all aware that my time here in Mexico has been marked by many challenges. In the last few months I have encountered many hardships and struggles that have often left me disillusioned and confused.

That said, I don't want my previous words to overshadow the fact that my experiences here have also been painted with much joy and beauty. Through my travels, my relationships, and my studies I have learned an incredible amount about life and about myself. In many ways I have been blessed by aspects of this culture. It has been a slow process of realization, but little by little I have grasped how valuable this season of my life has been. I am walking with new perspective and new vision; I am changed. Although I am still with some bruises and scars, God has brought me to a place of peace and contentment and I am enjoying my days in Mexico.

Well, I just wanted to share with you my thoughts as of late. Thank you for your care, prayers, and messages. It has been a blessing to share with you my journey.

Value life, it is beautiful

There is no denying it, I have been terrible with keeping you updated on my life this month....Sorry :) But here I go now, so I hope you can keep up.

You will be happy to know that much has changed since my last blog. About a week ago God sent me a wave of encouragement and support that truly lifted me up. Some people read my blog and responded with sympathy and concern, others were inspired by God just to check in on me, and others still I contacted to share my story with. I received many messages, emails, and letters during this last week that have brought me incredible joy and warmth. Thank you all for blessing me with your love and concern, it was really just what I needed.

In addition to the support of many loved ones, I also had a priceless conversation with my papa mexicano. My host dad is someone I have come to respect deeply in my time here, and someone that has taught me some incredible lessons about life. During our conversation he told me that I still came across as a very timid person (despite my efforts), and in Mexico often someone is more reserved is viewed as proud and that the people here don't take too well to that. He also brought to light something that has been key for me; he told me that when things aren't going well that is not the fault of the people that I interact with so why should I let it effect my interaction with them. In other words, if I am having a hard time I still need to interact positively with those around me and not let my problems take away from my experiences. He told me Kristy (that's what he calls me) when you are walking down the street hold your head up, greet the people that you pass, and smile because you never know how you might touch someone's life. He encouraged me to talk more and to make more of an effort to get to know the people around town because that's the way to really learn spanish. At the end of our conversation I promised to try harder even though I really felt I was putting in a lot of effort to begin with, and since that day he has kept me accountable. Every day at lunch or at dinner he asks me so how did it go? I know they seem like simple words of counsel, but they gave valuable perspective.



Anyway, now to fill you in on life since then! Two weekends ago Violet and I went to Mexico City accompanied by our program director Irma and Javiar the maintenance guy (although he opted to stay in the car most of the time). First we visited the Dolores Olmedo museum (the impressive house and gardens of a deceased rich woman that collected works of Diego Rivera). After we finished touring the house Violet and I spent some time in the gardens taking pictures :) Then we stopped in Xochimilco a place known for it's beautiful vividly decorated boats. We didn't have enough time to ride one, but we did browse the nearby market a bit. Next, we stopped at the house of Frida Kahlo. It was fairly interesting, but not extremely. Most of her works are in museums so it was mostly some electic belongings, and documents. Plus, there were just way too many people there! Lastly, we stopped at the zocalo for about an hour to shop for souvenirs. Overall, it was a really fun trip and we really enjoyed spending time with Irma.


Then last week Violet and I went with Irma to the central market in Cuernavaca to prepare for Day of the Dead. Day of the Dead is a mexican holiday where loved ones who have passed away our remembered and celebrated. It is tradition that alters are built in honor of the deceased and adorned with pictures, food, candy, candles, flowers, and much more. At the market we bought fruit, candy, and flowers to decorate the alter at school for Emiliano Zapata. Violet and I spent about two hours putting together that alter and unfortunately had to miss some class to do so :)

Also, last thursday I had another precious conversation with my host parents. I listened for nearly two hours as they expressed to me the importance of having confidence in one's self and how we can determine the value of our life by the importance we give it. It really is a matter of recognizing that God created us and our lives with meaning and purpose that far outshadows our insecurities or trials. They told me, value your life, it is beautiful.